I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
