You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
