I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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