dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
