I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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