You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
