First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
