1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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