Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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