TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
