Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My dick has a subreddit
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
