I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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