Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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