There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
