I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
