Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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