Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
