you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
