the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My pussy is not your playground.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
