so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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