i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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