I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
