I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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