i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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