O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
