You made me cry and you don't even care
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
