it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
