I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
