A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish you could order shots online.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
