you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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