theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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