discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
