Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
