i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
