He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.