it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!