Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
