Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
