I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
