It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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