I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
