ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
