If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
