Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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