that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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