I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
