I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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