It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
