I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize