I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
