its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight