Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?