oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.