Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.