quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
