dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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