How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
