My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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