I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the liver wants what the liver wants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
