id be glad to
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
