fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
