I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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