Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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