Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
