you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
