he thought i was a dude.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
