I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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