Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
