Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
