I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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