so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
