As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
