Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
