I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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