I think I won the penis lottery.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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