There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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