ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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