with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
