If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
