I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
