if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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